Forest of Condolence
by One Damned Wolf
Summary: Based from a doujin with the same title. Shimako hopes to mend her relationship with Sei due to an incident last Winter. Sei/Shimako [Revised]
1. Winter's Melancholy

Winter.

I've always thought of it as a season of loneliness, but at the same time, a season full of emotions. The beauty of this tranquil world of white was but just a mask to hide the despair it carried, and those captivated by it would be caught up in a trance to sympathize with the sadness. Like a siren trying to draw out victims in her sweet embrace, drowning them in an unwanted captivation.

It must be that, really, the reason why my being feels so heavy each and every time the very first snowflake falls. Perhaps it's that sort of feeling that it gives, like what people had associated this white world with which is quite ironic despite its beauty that gnaws my being and filling it with sadness that I was never aware before. In every seconds of winter, I would subconsciously run away from the world, shrinking within me myself, who was always so imperfect, to a world where I knew I was the only flawless one, protected from love and hurt.


	2. Her Heart That I Can't Reach

It was last winter when Onee-sama and I stayed inside the Yamayurikai building for three days to continue the unfinished paper works for the cultural festival to be held the following week. Apparently, the other members were all heading back to their respective houses for the winter break, and only the two of us had the free time. I never do anything worthwhile at home, I said, and Onee-sama, in all her aloofness, voiced the same thing. With these declarations, the two of us got ourselves working during the days we were supposed to rest. While we were really reluctant in doing the job, the other members were able to persuade us by offering a deal of treating us to cake in town where rumors said that a new establishment specializing in sweet delights had marked its territory, and it was progressing like a deadly disease. If we were able to finish them as soon as possible, that is.

It was the sweetest trap, and my companion fell for it easily, thanks to her sweet tooth.

She looked happy with the deal. Her face beamed so much brighter than usual. I couldn't care less about the matter and just looked at her in disbelief. However, around her, I was weak and powerless. I am her _souer_; sister in another term, a helper in the eyes of the obvious. A person driven to service by mesmerizing words, who should support what her "Onee-sama" do and follow wherever she goes; someone who should understand her more than anybody else no matter how thoughtless her actions are. Although the chances were pretty slim that we could win the deal, we did the work nonetheless.

**10:43PM**

The silence between the two of us caused the clock to move much faster than normal without my knowing. We were working with an atmosphere of an icy world, however it wasn't much of a big deal because we were already used to it. It was also agreeable that the work would be less heavy if we avoid unnecessary communication.

I looked at Onee-sama who was acting sluggish and annoyed as she grabbed a paper to do a recheck, again and again, sighing in utmost defeat as if it was a battle she never intended to win at all. Despite her uncontrolled upbringing towards the work, she was silent as her hands moved from time to time. I took the chance to look at her bewitching features; thanking the silence at the same time for giving me the opportunity to do so.

Her face down to her neck was pale yet it was so enchanting to look at almost as if I was staring at a finely made Chinese porcelain vase. Her rambunctious hair colored like the rising sun drooped over giving her a wild and mysterious look. I learned from the other members that Onee-sama originally had long hair during her 2nd year. Unlike the wild, laid back Onee-sama that I know, originally, she was quiet and reserved. Her silence was intimidating and no one dared to approach her. She was, back then, described and venerated by the students as a princess; secluded from things that were impure and still shone in the most natural manner. Simply put, she was like a snow princess. In her dainty appearance and brutal feelings tell exactly the overwhelming difference of her beauty in comparison with the others.

I paused, and swallowed the rising jealousy and affection. Onee-sama was still silent. I continued to look and scanned every inches and curves of this revered figure until I met those eyes; those deep smoke grey eyes of hers; they open up and capture every gazes in a swallowing flame; too hard to look for a long time yet it proved more of a waste not to indulge them in every beating seconds. It was her greatest feature that I admired the most, but at the same time, those eyes also made me grew wary of her.

"…?"

Finally, Onee-sama's eyes moved unexpectedly to meet my invading ones. I felt mine leaped from surprise together with my heart which started to sound like drums being pounded heavily. Her stare was drilling itself to my core, searching for my feelings and I was too petrified to even avoid it. She gave a questioning look for a bit but then smiled at my foreign reaction before continuing her work, sighing softly at the same time as if she was amused at what she just saw. I heaved out a sigh of relief as I leaned my back on the chair.

_I…couldn't breathe at all…_

* * *

**1:30AM**

Getting back at the task at hand, my face slightly showing a rise in temperature despite the cold climate, I looked at Onee-sama again who was now rather bored. The silence between us settled the fast paced beating of my heart, and I slowly eased into the silence like I had previously. My stomach grumbled and began pounding its needs on my stomach walls. It was already 1 o'clock in the morning. We have been working for 3 long hours with but a little progress. We haven't had the time to eat proper dinner, and I bet the woman in front of me deserved a little break too.

"Shall I make tea?" I asked, intentionally looking at the side to avoid those eyes. I moved away from our working table and went to the cupboards.

"That would be nice." She answered a little thoughtfully. It was the first time Onee-sama spoke after entering this place.

As I made tea and prepare the table, I wondered more about the older woman in silence. In my mind, I skipped back through time to the moment I met her. I watched myself standing in marvel under the cherry tree in bloom. She was standing right next to me. We looked at each other in satisfaction and free of doubts. Her face inched closer to mine, and then her small mouth opened. The words she spoke made my heart skip faster. In my daze, she took my hand softly, and wrapped the silver bathed rosary on my wrist. It was a proof that I was hers, and that we would be sisters; the beginning of a bond where we would share one life. I smiled to myself as I replay the ring of her voice inside my head over and over. It was a gentle voice that gave me a sense of comfort and belonging.

_I wished for nothing else but to be with her forever…_

I turned to face her, whisking away the happiness in my face, the teapot in my hand, and called her. I wanted to talk to her, and ask her a lot of things.

"Onee-sama, there is—"

Without a word, she finally stood up. She didn't look at me, nor gave a reply when I called her. Her face was looking downcast; and those tiny lips moved to breathe out the feelings in her heart.

Her voice had never been lonelier.

"It's here". She whispered.

Before she could give me the chance to understand the words she said, her tall figure was now standing near the big window of the room. Her arms were collected before her breasts exactly what she normally do. She said nothing as I looked at her, and I dared not to call out; frightened to snap her in her own seclusion. She was looking outside in silence; her eyes directed in darkness like it was waiting for something or someone to come. My curiosity led my eyes exactly to the world her eyes were showing her, and then there they were, without even a toll of warning; tiny crystals descending softly to earth.

_Winter_

I had no idea how and why it started, but the words Onee-sama spoke out were something I never expected; just like the falling snow, but, dumbfounded as I was, all of the answers I could possibly give came out, oh so naturally, even I was taken aback

"Hey, Shimako…"

"What is it, Onee-sama?"

"Do you love me?"

There was a grave silence, and my heart pounced heavily on my chest.

"…yes."

Ignoring my reply, she repeated her question.

"Do you love me?"

I answered wholeheartedly as I could with the same tone like before, "I do."

But, she asked again, now cold and undisturbed like my answers were nothing to cause her to waver.

"Do you love…_me?_"

I proceeded to feel my chest, trembling like never before, and mustered one more time to convey my feelings.

"…more than you could possibly imagine."

…and then after that, the only connection that I knew between the two us became like a hole so large enough to swallow my protected heart. She smiled at me, who looked a little reluctant of what happened; frozen in suspense; fearful at the thought of losing her forever. Her face came nearer until she met mine to give me a kiss on the forehead. I opened my mouth, wanting to explain myself but the words died out immediately. Onee-sama walked passed my suspended figure, and waved a goodbye that blended almost perfectly with the silence.

"Thank you."

_We never spoke of our feelings ever again._


	3. Unexplained Loneliness

How long has it been since that happened? Somewhere in our hearts, the two of us unconsciously went on our own ways. The connection we wove when we first met was nowhere to be found anymore. Her smile became a little hostile but her casual personality still remained. I continued to do my responsibility as her souer and forced myself to swallow that smile every day. However, she and I still played our roles perfectly in front of everyone until it came to the point that all of the students admired us for the distance that we created.

We blended with what the majority expected of us, and we completely forgot to fix the gap that literally separated us. In the midst of confusion, we forgot ourselves. We forgot everything.

"Shimako-san? Oooiiii, Shimako-san!"

"Huh?"

I felt my shoulder jerk a little from a sudden touch, but that was more than enough to steal me back away from my little reverie. I turned my head to the side to look at my companion wearing a weird expression in her face.

"Mouu, really, Shimako-san. What could you be thinking to be spacing out in the blue like that?"

"It's nothing. I'm sorry." My voice was light and arrogant, but still there was sincerity. I couldn't possibly tell her what I was just thinking, and just brushed her worries off with a smile. She gave me a piercing look for a couple of seconds. I oddly stared back still wearing an innocent smile. Sensing that she couldn't possibly dig for an answer if she kept asking, the girl in front of me smiled in defeat and the two of us continued our way without speaking.

I looked at my surroundings as I rubbed both of my palms together. The road we took was heavily dirtied by winter leftovers that it's almost impossible to get past it without getting piled by snow. But thanks to this inconvenience, there weren't many vehicles that dared to past this route and so we were able to get the errand done quickly.

After minutes of walking on a winter road, she asked me,

"Are you cold, Shimako-san?"

"Yes, a little bit."

I gripped her hand which was loosely clasped against my own. It was warm. Despite the two of us walking on the road in the middle of winter carrying supplies for school, the tender heat of her hand gave me enough comfort to remain composed in such a deadly weather.

"…"

I've always yearned to hold _her_ hand like this. Tighter and more intimate like I would cling to her and the world would disappear afterwards.

"Here we are. This is my house." She stopped and pointed at the building in front of us. She squeezed the plastic of supplies and timidly walked towards their gate and pressed the door bell.

"I'm really thankful that you came with me, Shimako-san." She said soon after. I didn't really have anything to do during my break. I have too much free time at hand before I make myself busy with work as a student council member. It was just a mere coincidence that I saw her in need when I was lazing off outside. It wasn't really my intention, but since she was kind to me in class, I ended up helping her.

I nodded and moved my lips to a smile as a reply.

"You're going back to school, right?" She asked.

"Yes, I still have matters to take care of in the Rose Mansion." Softy sighing, I whisked the snow piling up on my uniform's sleeves.

After a brief expression of endearment in her face, she placed both of her hands inside her bag and began rummaging the insides. She took out a lengthy book with a brown cover and handed it to me. I looked at her, and my face asked all the questions my brain wanted me to say.

"It's a copy of the rumored 'Forest of Thorns' that everyone in school has been talking about. I am not really interested with the issue of Satou-san, but I think this will be even more useful with you." She took my hand and placed the book on the frigid skin. "Take it as a sign of my thanks."

"But I'm not-"

_"-I'm not interested too",_ was what I wanted to say but I took it still, gracefully in order to hide the unkind feelings as to acknowledge her effort of giving such a peculiar book. I looked at the object on my hand and felt the pangs of my conscience leaving its mark on my spine.

"See you tomorrow, Shimako-san!"

And so she left; the tender warmth that came from her palm that remained was left to freeze in the cold, and in exchange, the book I held made it even colder.


	4. A Dream with Thorns

Weary and almost brain dead because of Rosa Chinesis's stressful sermon, I decided not to accommodate myself who constantly seeks gratification and went home before sunset. Before my father spotted me, and starts catering her daughter with love like an adorable doll, I hurriedly went up to my room, closed the door, and plopped the body I dragged the whole day on bed. The smell of the newly washed bed sheet gave me peace, and my body slowly recovered. I took the liberty of the calming atmosphere to close my eyes, and in a matter of seconds, the intangible self left the flesh that was merely living and went to the world where she was truly alive.

In the embrace of winter, I saw my very first dream.

It was a dark place; perhaps darker than darkness itself. Something I could not comprehend. There was not a fickle of light from every direction, and I was walking on an endless road. Inside the surreal world, I walked without any guidance, but I knew I was being pulleds by a voice. I followed that voice without any hesitation until I arrived at the darkest place in this very dark world. There, I saw two women standing on a spotlight, back to back, bound by vines with thorns. They both have long hair, one is golden and the other is the color of ash. They were beautiful, I thought, like perfectly made sculptures from ancient Greece. I walked towards them carefully, caught in the aura of allurement, but the voice in my head told me to stop. When I asked why, the two women in front of me moved at last. They must've forgotten the thorns, and moved to face each other without flinching, ignoring the pain altogether. I screamed, and I realized that I was voiceless. They kept on moving until they were bleeding no longer and my pitiful self could not do anything but look in distraught.

Before long, the woman with the hair of ash crumbled and died. In spite, her companion, realizing that she was already alone, went into an eternal slumber. The vines crawled to her lifeless body, chaining her again, together with her heart and the darkness consumed her. I called her name in desperation, and the whole world shattered in front of my eyes.

I woke up, and my eyes brimmed with tears from the overwhelming sadness.

"…what?"

I gazed at a familiar ceiling without blinking to let the tears slip down. I breathed hard in order to feel that I was still alive. The clock beside me kept on making noise. I looked at it and stared at its hands moving in a surreal fashion.

"10PM?"

I guess I dozed off for 4 hours without my intention do so. I got up from the bed, and walked towards my school bag. As soon as I unzipped it, I was immediately welcomed by an object that despite the dullness of its entire cover, seems to outshine the others in my eyes.

"…"

As much as I was hesitant to do so, I read the book, skimming every page with interest and learned things I never knew.

The contents of the book drew the attention of all the students in Lillian like a virus, and it was the only talk we could hear as of the moment. It started just a week ago. A book loving student from the 1st year ended up buying a novel in the nearby town. She thought it was of the ordinary until she read everything and learned how the book similarly resembles the life of one of the most prominent icon in Lilian. The book, entitled the 'Forest of Thorns', was about two women in an all girls school and their forbidden love. It drops to the typical shoujo manga you'll find in a comic book store but what made everyone gossiping about it was because the main character, who fell in love and got her heart broken by the same woman, was a student in this school and her name was Sei.

As one of the members of the Yamayurikai, the student council of the school, we all had the responsibility to sort the silly trouble it brewed since the name of 'Satou Sei', the current Rosa Gigantea; one of the respected heads of the student council was heavily involved in it that, more or less, caused an uproar regarding the woman's mysterious life. However, the most problematic matter is that almost everyone believed that Sei wrote the book. The law in the school prohibits students from having odd jobs outside campus and those who would do so would get an unlikely detention. The said suspect wouldn't even say much about it and would just wittily laugh the matter off which made everything even more complicated, much to our dismay.

After reading it, however, this book for me was nothing but a delusion; a piece of a wonderful memory whisked away together with a non existing paradise.

"It doesn't matter… This story is just a fairytale, that's all."

Heavily sighing, I closed the book and made my way back to bed. I felt the drowsiness coming back and after a breath, I went into a slumber.

And if, by any chance it were real, it still wouldn't matter.


	5. Under the Sakura Tree

The school corridor was nosier than it was, originally. Students from various classes meet with their friends to speak about the rumored book. As I was walking towards our classroom, two students from the neighbor class walked towards me and asked about the object in question.

"The Forest of Thorns?" I answered them half uninterested.

"That's right! That book is everyone's talk right now. The name of the heroine is 'Sei'… Isn't it about Rosa Gigantea?"

They continued pressing on with their queries. I continued looking at them blank and in deep thoughts.

"If so, I wonder… could it be an autobiography? Since you're the petit soeur, we thought you might know something, Shimako-san."

"Um, excuse me?"

The two girls in front of me began whispering to each other.

_"Hey…she seems like she really doesn't know."_

_"But, that's not possible!"_

_"Isn't she her little sister?"_

Their silly effort of little privacy became such an annoyance that despite the softness of their voices, I could still hear them quite well. I couldn't imagine that subtle expression of surprise that appeared on my face the moment she said that. Not allowing them to see such reaction, I asked them, almost dumb,

"Yes, what is it?"

"Ummm…ah, it's nothing after all!"

"Gokigenyou, Shimako-san!"

"Gokigenyou."

The two girls walked hurriedly back to their classroom, their murmurs in unison with their quick steps. Being the polite and respectful 'little sister' type, I bowed and went to my own classroom afterwards. There was a heavy feeling in my chest after the conversation. The issue doesn't concern me, not at all yet…something was not right, and I felt queasy.

"She doesn't want me to involve myself in her problem, after all."  
Even if I am the person who stands next to her, even if I am her little sister, inside that gratifying context, it feels more like I am the stranger that she keeps on pushing away.

So, what's the point? I do not even know anything.

Sighing, I trudged myself to get back to class.

* * *

_"Where am I?"_

_Breathing out heavily, I asked a very dumb question out in the air. The forest of the Lilian academy devoured my wandering soul instantly after the opening ceremony, and now I am lost without a clue on how to get back to the campus. However, despite my troubled situation, it was such endearing to look at the environment for spring had already entered and embraced this solitary land in its warmness. The ginkgos, although thin and naked before, were slowly brimming in clear green and their leaves were dancing slightly all around the place enjoying their birth. The flowers all around were bright red and birds were singing from the high grounds. It was an astonishing sight to behold and such captivating atmosphere took my wandering self deeper into the heart of this forestry without my knowing. Anyhow, it was so peaceful to even bother noticing._

_My aimless walk came to a standstill when I saw tiny pink petals scattered on the ground._

_I walked even further, following the petals as my guide at the same time. My curiosity came to fruition when it led me to a lone tree with pink petals decorating its tiny limbs. I was in deep awe for such a magnificent tree to be standing in loneliness amongst these mass of ginkgos. Its neighbors were so unlikely, but still, I couldn't help but admire it even more_

_However, my admiration wasn't focused on the said tree alone. Underneath it, a tall woman with short hair stood, lone and composed. Her gaze was on the object painted silver wrapped on her wrist with her hair waved slightly from the faint wind. She stood motionless like her mind was wandering off somewhere._

_The way she dressed, her ribbon, the symbol of her status dawned upon me that she was an upperclassman._

_Taking notice that she wasn't alone anymore, she looked at me, slightly surprised of my invading presence. I couldn't help but focus my look at those deep grey eyes of hers in response. They were like transparent glass. They looked so emotionless yet they were so…beautiful._

_"Are you lost?_

_I gaped and tried to swallow the shriek that nearly escaped my lips when I heard her voice. I panicked at her question and instinctively turned my back to escape. I had to. I had to run or else I might lose myself in this unwanted captivation._

_"I—I-I-I'm sorry! I-I'll be on m-my way!"_

_I stuttered like an idiot. I moved myself away from her. My legs just kept on running and I cared not where they would take me. The realization scared me even more._

_It felt almost as if I have already encountered my other half._

_Shimako _  
_Shimako_  
_Shimako…_

_In my heart, her voice echoed thoroughly, sending me that warmth I have longed to call my home._

"Shimako-san!"

I snapped back from my silent seclusion, and took notice that everyone in class was already looking at me dumbfounded for my bemusement. In front, the teacher looked at me almost half disgusted for spacing out during his lessons, but ignored the matter when he took noticed that I was back to the world and proceeded to continue although now slightly irritated.

"Fufu…"

I softly sighed in amusement. How unlikely for such a member of the much admired Roses, the beating heart of the school itself, to be spacing out and debased by glances by her fellow students. What a fool you are, Shimako, to be losing your self respect on such matter.

I must be losing my touch.

_Prickle, prickle…._  
_Oh, little thorns…_

As soon as the lunch bell rung, I hurriedly packed my home made bento and went outside the classroom classily. I am a bit of a busy person so I take this time of the day as my only time for reflection. There were still things I have to take care after class in the Rose Mansion; cleaning, serving tea, entertaining the other Roses, making reports. They were a part of my daily duty as a petit soeur for Rosa Gigantea, but responsibility aside, they were all just my silly excuses to get closer to her. Just being able to stand near her, even if there is absence of touch, even if she doesn't want me to mingle with her life, I am already at peace.

"Ah…"

The book that I bought earlier came in contact with my fingers, and in an instant, the image of the much respected Rosa Gigantea came flooding in my mind.

_Satou Sei._

She was a complex woman and so fickle to begin with, despite being rebellious, rough around the edges, and straight with her opinion. Ironically, amongst the people in Lillian whom hearts were conquered by her, hers was the most guarded that it wouldn't allow others to get near it. I could never ask her of the events that happened before I entered the school, and so, even after being chosen as her little sister, we have distanced ourselves from knowing the truth about each other.

I tried to force myself to be alright with that.

But, the distance between us, what can I do now to… get closer?

"Shimako-saaaaan!"

A high pitched but seemingly cute voice called upon my name. I bothered not to look back for I already know who it was. Her voice shook due to exhaustion, but she kept on persisting by running in tiny steps. The sound of her tapping shoe echoed across the hallway and swallowed her tiny voice.

Finally, she stopped, half panting and half murmuring.

"Hey…" She gasped a little. "Before we go to the Rose Mansion, how about we go see Rosa Gigantea first?" She told me cheerily.

"Why?" I asked, no longer surprised that even Yumi, the petit souer of Rosa Chinesis and also a dear friend of Sei, had her interest fully in the issue, since all the girls in Lillian had their eyes on the matter as of the moment, but, why must she save all the trouble just to ask me? Is it because of my responsibility as Rosa Gigantea's petit soeur?

"Why you say…" She responded almost with an expression of shock in my dry answer. "Doesn't the rumor make you curious?"

"Not at all." I replied immediately.

I bit my lip before turning to her attention, showing a wide smile.

"So don't let it bother you, okay?"

Yumi was out of words to say afterwards, and just nodded before continuing her way. I turned my back and continued with graceful steps. My lips shook from apprehension. I wavered so slightly by the fact that I have ignored her, and started feeling disgusted with myself for being so passive. But I'm alright. If it is for her sake, I will continue to put up this facade.

"The third year Wisteria class Satou Sei-san, please report to the student counselor's room at once."

Everyone murmured with delight upon the announcement.

_Why must you prevent me from moving an inch?_


	6. The Gap Between Us

**Lunch.**

The backyard was always a nice place to hang out. It lacked the noise and people that most areas in the campus had. The surrounding forestry was also a nice touch. I took the cleanly packed sandwich and started munching it slowly, savoring all the flavor of such delight with my tongue. The meat was tender and it was seasoned nicely enough to let the taste linger. My father, who is the head priest of a Buddhist temple, took cooking as his past time and as much as I hate to admit, cooks rather well. Ever since mother left, the two of us agreed to share responsibilities at home. I took most the duty of cleaning our well renovated temple, inside and out, and my father agreed to put on the apron. He managed to outdone me in such a motherly-like chore to my dismay, but I was happy when I noticed that he smiled more after he started such chore.

_ "Hey, hey, did you hear?"_

_ "What is it?"_

_ "That book "Forest of Thorns", it's about Rosa Gigantea and her lover."_

_ "Isn't that romantic?"_

_ "No, you dope! She's a lesbian! Her lover was a woman!"_

_ "Ewww, that's gross!"_

_ "She may have attended Lillian to find another lezzie to cuddle with."_

They laughed in their own amusement and continued on with their lunch.

Such a shame really and here I was hoping that I would be able to enjoy my food without hearing any of these ill-gossips. It came as a certain fact that everyone had mixed reactions with the Forest of Thorns. While others would look at the story as an admiring thing, others would consider the homosexual content regardless of sweet noting as something vile and repulsive. I had thought of that once and I figured I could sympathize. My feelings for Onee-sama had always been such a big dilemma. If any of us tried to get back to how we once were, in the end, someone of us will get hurt. I am scared of the thought that she would never accept my feelings: these feelings which most seem to speak ill about. A word of love I sang to her once only to be heard by deaf ears and shunned by an icy glare. I could not remember when these feelings evolved from such a pure admiration to an impure desire such as longing and lust. As time passed by, the more these feelings in me grew and the more I felt the distance between us widening. And it terrified me so I ran away. I ran away from _her_.

I have never felt so lonely in my entire life.

The girls went on their way after hearing the bell. I stayed sitting on the cold floor with eyes aghast on the sandwich in my hand; tears suddenly flooding the corners of my eyes.

* * *

"Would you like me to help you with anything?" Placing atop the table a basket of flavorful biscuits which I had carefully arranged, and tea finely brewed with chamomile, I asked Onee-sama with a glee in my face. Even though I am a regular member, I was never attached with the Yamurikai from the beginning, and I think I will never be, but this simple task like serving her had always been my little happiness. She was, in fact, the only reason why I would have the time to dawdle in such place and that was the only purpose of my vanity.

"Hmm?"

Her back leaned lazily on the wall, her hand found its way on her short hair, scratching it back and forth.

"Not really." She huffed out, smiling casually as if it was the right response. "Did I give you the impression that I do?"

Her voice tore my heart.

"You can go already." She added, clearly ending my reason to stand inside this room.

I froze, and so did the two standing at her back, Yumi and Yoshino. I looked at her face, vague from her smile that expressed no warmth. It was an order from the ever powerful Rosa Gigantea, and I was left without a choice but to comply. Softly, I bowed my head low in recognition and went out, tearing my gaze away from her eyes; that piercing grey gaze was too much to endure for long.

The door closed shut, and I stood leaning on it, sighing heavily.

_Ever since that time last winter, the delusional world that we created is slowly tearing me apart._

_You never said anything after you left, and I couldn't read your heart ever since then._

_But, even then, I couldn't leave you alone. I couldn't muster the strength to leave this place._

_ …not when you're there, and not when you had already taken a hold of everything that is in me, Sei..._

_ But, I do not understand…_

_ What is it that you really want me to do?_

_ What is it that I should do to make you believe that I really love you?_

"Why? Don't you want Shimako-san to be with you?" Yumi voiced sounded troubled and confused. Backing her up was Yoshino who persisted in pressing more on the matter, prompting the older woman to reply with a firm answer.

"Why, if she wants to stay, nothing will stop her from doing so."

_H-How dare she…_

"Who would stay after being told by something like that!?"

Yumi's voiced instantly turned harsh as a reply, unlikely of her petite stature that I've always known. I twitched, and the emotion distorted my ever calm and composed face. My fist clenched out of a sudden wave of anger. It was the first time that I felt so offended by the way she spoke out her reason like I meant nothing to her in the first place.

"Never mind, I'm going to go after her now." Ignoring Sei's words, Yumi began running towards the door.

"No, it's alright! It's alright!" The woman in command grew her voice louder, stopping the girl, now turned weak and intimidated.

"If she wants to stay, she'll stay on her own will. That's the kind of girl she is." She said. "Don't let it bother you." Her last words made my teeth snapped shut.

_'What was that!?' _My head screamed in disbelief.

"By the way, would any of you have that Forest of Thorns now?" Sei asked elated, urging the two girls to comply. Their need to know the truth grew the better on them and in an instant the name "Toudou Shimako" vanished in their minds.

_'Please tell it to me too, Onee-sama!'_

Is that what you want me to say?

If I say it, are you going to tell me everything no matter what!?

How could you think of me of someone who is unfeeling? It hurts. Onee-sama, I too, have feelings. My heart can bleed and cry in pain when it gets hurt. This look on my face, devoid of feelings for others, I acted upon such role because of you. After all, you wanted us to play the 'cool pair', and so be it. I already knew for the first time you held my hand underneath that sakura tree that you preferred being alone, and that you would rather take on your own pain than to let others bother you for it. I respected you for that, and so I lived watching you from a far even though I have always longed for the two of us to be intimate.

But, it's not fair.

You were always so kind and attentive to others, yet you act so passively only towards me even though I already told you my feelings. I don't get it.

_I don't understand you at all, Sei._

"Thanks, here's a reward for lending me the book. Go buy some for the rest."

"A coupon? Free sushi?"

"Let's go, Yoshino-chan. We don't want to waste that now, do we?"

"We'll be leaving now."

The biscuit colored door opened. Hiding at the other side, I could hear the footsteps of the two girls going down the stairs, and their voices fade away as they left the Rose Mansion. Slowly, I turned to face the only person left inside the room and walked in.

"Hey, you forgot this!" Sei threw her wallet, which Yoshino caught in a skillful grasp. "Buy some coffee too, okay?" Her face beamed in delight as she waved 'take care' at the two.

It was only the two of us left, and the mere fact that I stood almost near her was drowning me in anxiety. It was getting harder and harder for me to breath.

"…is there something you wanted to say?" She started, her gaze still focused outside on the empty pathway that leads to the Rose Mansion. Her words we like icicles, pricking my chest which was too defenseless to even fight back.

"Not really..."

I was surprised by that stubbornness my voice carried when those words came out.

"This doesn't concern me after all."

Even with her back still turned against me, I noticed her eyes drooped and her lips twisted in a small smile. My look grew pitiful, perhaps brought about by such hapless situation.

"How cold." Her voice was weak, but it came into my ears like a sound of a drumbeat. "But I like that about you, Shimako."

I was agitated by her quick response which was both so honest and cruel as if that was the only answer she could breath out. However, I thought that if I gave in again, if I allowed myself to succumb to my passiveness once more, then, there would be no other chance for me to give her a piece of my mind. If I kept on slavishly obeying her hardened words, the opportunity to stand with her on the same ground will die out.

Finally, my lips opened, and the pain kept flowing out.

"Please don't force your ideals on me…" I protested. "Don't take advantage of my feelings, when you don't even try to understand a thing!"

You always call me strong and independent like I am an individual who could do anything yet, without you I am nothing. I feel weak. I get insecure and most of all, lonely.

"Yeah…" She breathed out. "I'm sorry."

And then she turned to face me, gray gaze capturing my own with a big smile. It was rather rare, to have her look at me, that is. Usually, her eyes were always set on that empty pathway, or towards the other members of the Yamayurikai, but never on me.

But, why did it grasped upon me that she smiled to me almost on the verge of tears?

"That smile of yours…" My voice tempered. "You intend not to let anyone come close after all, right?"

_Even when you are there, even though I could reach you with my hand…_

"Sei, I…!"

_…the thorns around you prevent me from coming closer; from letting my feelings reach your heart._

"…stop!" She commanded abruptly, prompting me to cease my words, my temperature rising out of embarrassment. "The little kittens have returned." With her eyes now looking at oblivion, she pointed at the door.

"How about you go already?" She asked again, half serious and not, while walking near the entrance door.

"I…I will stay here!"

My answer surprised the both of us in unison.


End file.
